*a colossal waste of time (maybe)
*training completed and two days of comparably successful days without the hedge of a monitor praising my correctly executed duties and admonishing and explaining my shortcomings (although I did not have a formal invigilator those two days the rest of the kitchen staff were keen on stepping in and correcting my steps when I would misstep or would find myself out of my depth in any of the numerous ways available to me to do so)
*the waste of time seemed like it couldn't be helped
*I have told people I do not have the requisite credentials to have been offered this job at the restaurant
*I couldn't sleep perhaps because of the nap I took or because I was so caught up in the engrossing narrative of Breaking Bad that there seemed no compelling reason to halt
*I believe I have told people there is no surface reason I should have been offered this position in order to persuade them that I am employed in a more creative and enticing occupation than I actually am
*it didn't hit me that I had spent far more time watching 48 min. episodes of a TV show back-to-back-to-back than was reasonable when the black sky became a deep, morning blue-green
*in proffering up this exaggeration I have disguised myself as a modest vegan cook while my conscience belies my actual state - an insecure sycophant who is given much yet ungratefully desires more, on principle
*my ears kept popping as though I were changing altitudes and I did not know that I was watching the show at a volume grossly inappropriate for 3 a.m. until a neighbor rang the doorbell
*the position I hold in the kitchen is a challenging one, to be sure, but it is not as glamorous as the one I have wittingly expanded it into with slight manipulations of descriptions of my duties I give to people who want success for me and whom I do not want to disappoint
*at first I did not know it was my doorbell because I have only lived here for a little less than two months and I have not heard the bell before but I did turn down the stereo to be able to her the buzz of the bell better so I could figure out what it was exactly and as I did this the intermittent bell ceased buzzing and I understood what happened
*in very flimsy defense of myself, the job I do actually hold is quite difficult to describe because the structure of this kitchen is very different than nearly any other comparable restaurant and my position does not exist in those other kitchens, yet I took this more as an opportunity to cloud my friends' and family's perception of what I did so as to appear more prosperous than an accurate explication might not convey and in doing this I, effectively, rob myself and my loved ones the true joy of celebrating something that actually is and actually is good in myriad ways on its own merits but now seems tarnished in the yellow, caustic light of my fabrication
*it was over ninety degrees in my apartment most of the night last night as I watched Breaking Bad and lounged on the sofa in my underwear and after throwing on a couple pieces of clothing so I could go to the door and apologize and give a face to the explosions and screaming my neighbors must have heard through the walls; no one was at the door and when I stripped back down to stay cool I put in earbuds and began a new episode, the tenth of the night, and I felt ashamed

*watched Sherman's March with John
*there is a shot of a statue of Sherman on a horse trailing after a figure referred to as "winged victory" and the director, Ross Elwee, does a voice over quoting Sherman as saying, "I suppose we know what it means to be war famous now. It means you die on a battlefield and have your name spelled wrong in the paper."
*John made vegan brownies (thanks John)

Today

* finished a long art project that probably will amount to little more than an exercise in patience and inking

* tried to download Samsung printer driver but failed

* couldn't print off resume

* walked to MET grocery store and paid way too much for cooking spray, tortilla chips and salsa

* made a couple people happy on twitter

* watched an episode of GIRLS with John

* made some curry fries

* ate them with a sandwich

* found an interesting thing in a notebook and posted it on my blog - my real blog

This very day.

*the AC window unit works and Marissa turned it off this morning when she saw that I was bundling tighter than it seems I should. Thank you Marissa

*had oatmeal with golden raisins, walnuts and maple syrup. Marissa had the same

*I read more Are You My Mother, the Alison Bechdel memoir that I feel an inexplicable compulsion to finish before moving on to another activity (too much)

*we walked to some baby clothing stores in search of a present for a newborn belonging to a friend Marissa hasn't spoken to in five months, apparently.

*we went to three of these stores - actually, come to think of it there were only two baby stores and two dress boutiques. Marissa was looking for a dress to wear to an outdoor wedding and some very specific sandals

*we went to Brooklyn Industries and I am going to be applying for a part time position at their Green Pointe location

*apparently they like former Urban Outfitters employees, of which I am

*we went to a shoe store, found the correct sandals but not a proper fitting pair in the desired color

*we left that store with nothing

*we went to the Park Slope Food Coop and I wore a visitor's sticker. So I walked around and silently pointed at things as Marissa walked several steps behind me and put the selected items into a cart

*we called a car to come pick us and our groceries up

*the car was nine dollars plus a three dollar tip. So the car was twelve dollars

*I peeled some beets and kept dropping them in the garbage due to their slippery exterior. Well, they started out dry but as they are peeled their juices are allowed to run and the whole process is complicated by this. Also, everything turns purple - which is great

*we roasted the suckers. actually they're roasting right now

May 29, 2012 addendum

Earlier I forgot to mention that Jasper waited at the window of his mother's apartment for half an hour for me.

Upon entering their apartment Nina told me she loves me glasses. "Those glasses are your trademark. You'll get rich with those glasses!"

What a disastrous blog. Here's redemption: a mere listing of things, external - as I am given to explore the internal to a solipsistic fault - so mundane and dully circadian some augmented pattern will surface and I will have what I need. What I need being a script of these things proving their reality and perhaps, later on, their validity. More and more I am certain that the latter is always, at least initially, engendered by the former. Nothing has pertinence unless it actually is. A thing without substance is not a thing at all. So establishing veracity to beget value is the goal here.

May 29th, 2012

 I believe my Spotify account renewed itself today. I don't need this music service for another month but since I have already paid the ten dollars I will keep it for one more month. Even though I suspect this will be the poorest month of time in Brooklyn and therefore ten dollars is much more important to me I like having the possibility of listening to basically anything I wish on my iPhone. I bought Alison Bechdel's second memoir, Are You My Mother, at Barnes & Noble a few days ago - Friday, I believe it was because that is the day Marissa and John returned from the island off the coast of Puerto Rico. This volume of Bechdel's life concerns her mother as the first installment was preoccupied with her father. I had never been so engrossed in a graphic (or traditional) memoir mostly regarding adults before reading Fun Home and I am once again equally enthralled. I want Alison to be my sister. Or at least my Miss Havisham. I'm not sure she'd appreciate anyone regarding her as such but perhaps the literary reference would quell her misgivings. (too much editorializing - nip this in the bud. Use bullet points or * if necessary)

*Lost lucrative job with Ian
*gained possible job with unnamed mother with three-year-old son
*got in touch with Lynn
*Lynn imparted secret about Valerie, Ian's mother
*Cut strawberries that I assumed wouldn't last long but now I worry they will spoil for sure because there are too many to eat
*John installed AC unit, dropped a nut four stories down, recovered the nut and we all laughed about it (droppin' nuts all over town sorts of jokes)
*Finished reading a short play last night John recommended. Circle Mirror Transformation sounds like something I could relate to. And it was. (again too much opining, don't use proper sentence structure to ensure list format is unbroken)
*hope coming out here was a good idea (DAMN IT!)