the more i sink into the ground...

I was angry last night. I didn't want to keep it internal but I wanted to keep it pointed inward so no one else would have to care. It is painful when everything hurts and there is no understanding from within so how could I presume that any could possibly come from without, and not from lacking trying, bless her poor, unsatisfied need to save me from myself.

I hadn't written a poem in over a year or perhaps longer. Unless there is one I wrote on here that I have forgotten about. But the intent is always so different for me when I use pencil and my yellow legal pad as opposed to a laptop. I think I had forgotten about catharsis and even truth or honesty. I have just been mostly depressed this past week and I don't know how to pray so my mutterings when I am alone have been requests for instruction on how to request instruction. And I need it to be okay that I barely know the one I'm asking because I am so afraid all the time.